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My mind is off. I don't know what's wrong, but I feel like the engine has fallen out of gear on the highway, but I was already moving really fast, so the usual rumble of thoughts and ideas and reactions have quieted, and I'm gliding along, being passed by people who's brains are churning along to do something or get somewhere. My current motivation is just to drink beer and watch the NLCS to see who will get the honor of being pounded by the Tigers (congrats to St. Louis). But there is work to be done, and work I will do.

Which means, of course, that I am NOT doing what I should be doing, and instead writing my

ANNUAL HP LOVECRAFT FILM FESTIVAL REVIEW

I've written up my opinion and reviews of the films from the HPLFF for the last three or four years, and now I think I am locked into doing it every year. If only I were paid by the word.

Anyway, this is going to be a quick and dirty recap. You don't want to hear about me hanging out with my old buddies, making new buddies, and getting drunk again, do you? Of course not. So I'll get right to it:

This year was the twelfth year of the festival. Pretty cool, huh?

Guests were:
Author Ramsey Campbell, who was awarded a "Howie" for his contributions to weird fiction
Robert M. Price, who also received a Howie
Director Alex Turner (IMDb), who presented his feature film "Dead Birds"
Director Mariano Baino (IMDb), who presented his feature film, "Dark Waters"
Director Jay Woelfel (IMDb), who presented his feature film "Beyond Dream's Door"
Author Stanley Sargent
Actress Barbara Crampton (IMDb) (yes, you saw her naked in "Re-Animator" and in leather in "From Beyond")
plus the usual gang of Lurkers, and then some new ones: Craig Mullins of Unfilmable, Edward R Martin III, Sigh Co, Pagan Publishing, Dagon Industries, Catalyst Studios, The Unquiet Void, Dark Horse Comics, and at least three other people I am forgetting in my off-mind state.

There were over 200 entries this year for the shorts category, so there were four blocks of shorts instead of the usual three. Two of them played twice in the fest, the other two only played once. I made it a point to catch all the shorts, because those are hard to see.

The movies that I missed this year were:
The Relic (IMDb) (can rent it)
X: The Man with X-Ray Eyes (IMDb) (can rent it)
Subject Two (IMDb)
From Beyond (IMDb) (seen it)
Cthulhu (IMDb) (seen it)
Nightmares & Dreamscapes (IMDb) ("Crouch End" and "Battleground") (seen them)
The animated Hellboy sneak peak from Dark Horse

The features I did see, and my comments:

Dead Birds (IMDb): Set in the south during America's Civil War, a group of men, a woman, and a freed slave rob a bank, and then go to a house to hide out before riding off to South America. Bad things happened in the house: death, unholy resurrection through sacrifice, and other bad stuff I don't want to give away. It looked and sounded like a Hollywood movie, which was great: slick production, sets, cinematography, editing, music, effects, etc. However, it was a little confusing as to the what's and why's, and, the biggest flaw was that it couldn't sustain the tension in the second half. It was still good, mind you, and I do recommend it, however, there wasn't much of a story to keep me going once the plot took over. Story and plot are two different things to me. Best way to describe is by

example: in Casablanca, the plot is what happens to the letters of transit. The story is what happens to Rick and Ilsa.

Beyond Dream's Door (IMDb): the first feature for Jay Woelfel, made in the 80's and shows it. Once I got over giggling at the acting, dialogue, wardrobe, script, sets, shots, makeup, and special effects, I found that there was a good concept buried in the cheese. A psychology student has bad dreams that turn real (and deadly). He tries to get help, bringing in more victims to the monster that is attempting to be free in the waking world. It's not a bad concept, sort of a more cosmic "Nightmare on Elm Street", however, it dragged, even at 82 minutes.

Dark Waters (IMDb): This one has gotten a lot of buzz in the Lovecraft circle, and the version we saw is the "definitive" cut from Mariano. He was in Portland for less than 24 hours, part of a whirlwind tour with his movie, which is now out on deluxe DVD (with a lot of cool stuff in the box, which looks like a video game box of old). This movie has a great location, amazing sets, and some very suggestive and stunning visuals. It is definitely worth watching if you are a fan of cults of nuns worshipping giant monsters in the

caves below the monastery. It's something like Carpenter's Prince of Darkness.

However, I think the visuals and set pieces overrode good storytelling and acting, and there were parts that I didn't understand (were the nuns trying to free the monster, or contain it?). Some dialogue was worthy of Ed Wood, and there were a few unbelievable motivations for characters. But, a few images and scenes (the beast being seen through just a small part of the broken wall was AWESOME), demand that any fan of Lovecraft takes a look at this. It's refreshing to see an artistic take of the material for once and a while, instead of a commercial one.

However, my ideal film would be 50% Dark Waters, and 50% Dead Birds (in terms of production, story, etc.)

Shorts Block One-played on Friday and Saturday. The films were:

The Boarder (IMDb) - A good student-type film, but closer to Hitchcock's The Lodger than anything Lovecraftian (except for the supernatural element). Not bad.

Dark Awakening (IMDb) - Italian slop horror! This one had all the gimmicks of bad horror: cheap cultist outfits, overly serious intonation of goofy words, cheap effects, and more cheese than a three-cheese pizza. I loved it, but not because it was good for me, kinda like the fettucine alfredo of Lovecraft movies. It made no sense, but it was hilarious in a lame way. Not as classic as Elwood, but fun to make fun of.

The Miskatonic Acid Test (IMDb) - I think this was a trailer for a feature, about a Winter of Love concert at Miskatonic University. It may have been edited by someone on drugs, because nothing connected or made sense. Lotta paisley, oil slide projections, headbands and "Groovy," but, like some aspects of the 60's, didn't really go anywhere nor have a point. (This was made last year. If it were made in the 60's, it would have been cooler.) The Music of Erich Zann (IMDb) - Every year, there is one Lovecraft

story that gets "the treatment", that is, a number of adaptations. It is usually either "Pickman's Model", "Cool Air", "Re-Animator", "From Beyond", "The Outsider", "The Statement of Randolph Carter", or "Zann". There were three versions of Zann that played this year, and here was a live action, mostly period version. It had some good parts, especially the locations, although I didn't like the lead actor nearly as much as John Strysik's lead in his take on the story. Plus, this one ended too abruptly. Nevertheless, this version should not be ashamed to stand up with the rest of them.

Die Musik des Erich Zann (IMDb) - this was a stop motion animation version of the story, and it was very good (although Zann is a piano player instead of a violinist). It works very well, because there is no dialogue, and the puppets are great. Definitely worth watching. Old Time Sake (IMDb) - I didn't know until after the screening that this was a rough cut of director Mike Prosser's take on the story "Thing on the Doorstep."

There were audio problems and special effects issues, but Mike assured me that those were only temporary, and were being fixed. Which is great, because those were really the only weak points in the film. This version sets up the relationship between Dan and Edward Derby as homosexual, which REALLY made for some interesting moments when Dan goes to Edward for help in Aesenath's body. The best part to me were the actors playing Edward and Aesenath, who duplicated one another's style and look believably. I almost believed it was the same person in a different body. I can't wait until this is finished. Sorry About That Folks (IMDb) - A Lovecraft-inspired short, which was really a one-punchline piece (nothing wrong with that). Great locations, the acting was fair. It's about a guy who does some stuff he shouldn't. A Winter's Tale (IMDb) - One of three stop motion animation movies to play at the festival this year from director Michael Granberry. This was the weakest of them. There's a great set of a cabin in the woods, but the characters inside make no sense, really, and don't seem to have much to do with the monster outside. But there is a shot of the teenage son puffing on a bong, which is fun to see in clay stop motion. Fortunately, Michael did a MUCH better job with his other two movies.

The Yawning Absym of a Horrible Cosmic Possibility (IMDb) - Ok, so here's how to watch this movie: pick your darkest ambient music, and play it on your computer with the trippy graphic viewer on (iTunes has one). Hold up your cel phone in front of the monitor. Try to text message philosophical questions to no one at all. Don't get any answer. Hang up after six minutes.

Shorts Block Two played only once, on Friday night. The films were:

Heading Home (IMDb) - The second film to play at the fest from Jane Rose (her Statement of Randolph Carter played in 2003, I believe). This is her adaptation of Ramsey Campbell's story of the same name. It was campy fun, very similar to Re-Animator and Tales from the Crypt. The acting wobbled a bit in places, but the ending had a great punchline, and the effects to pull it off were flawless. It was good to see a "fun" film this year, as there weren't that many (compared to other years). Jane is having fun making horror movies, and we're having fun watching the results! Check this one out, especially if you're tired of Stuart Gordon's "serious" fare

(i.e., Edmond).

Lovecraft's Pillow (IMDb) - An adaptation of a Rick Hautala story (the other Maine horror writer), this one is about how sleeping in the same bed can ruin a marriage…or a life. This one had some great effects, fair acting, and an actual CRANE shot! Cute.

Room for Error (IMDb) - A Jason Voss production, about not quite getting an evil ceremony correct. A simple setup pays off with some great shots of Hell. A few hiccups in acting (and voiceover), but still a good piece. The Veil (IMDb) - This was made as part of a 48 Hour Film contest, where people had to write, shoot, and edit a movie in 48 hours. I am partially relieved to know that what played here at the festival was changed from what played in the 48 hour fest (this one had some additional editing, visual effects, a sound remix, etc.), because

this was one of my favorites of the fest, and I am really jealous to know it was made in two days. There was some writing and story consultation by Toren Atkinson, the singer of the Darkest of the Hillside Thickets (who are working on a new album!), who also has a brief, out-of-focus cameo in the movie (I missed him!). This flick is inspired by Lovecraft, and concerns a wife who has bad dreams, possibly caused by her

medication. All the actors in this, particularly the wife, are excellent. The sets and shots are extremely effective, the music great, the story very thrilling, the effects perfect. I would have to see this again to find anything wrong with it. I am sorry that it only played once, because I think it deserved a better shake at the Brown Jenkin awards, plus, more people need to see this. Find it if you can.

The Rats in the Walls (IMDb) - I should have paid more attention to the program guide for this movie, but I went into everything cold (not knowing how long the movie was, what it was about, etc.). If I had known, I would not have sat through this long hour of a one-man retelling of the Lovecraft story (performed by Tim Uren). Granted, he did an amazing job in acting it out, plus, in remembering the whole story (almost flawlessly). However, this took place in the front of an old mill converted into a movie theater. I could see the glowing green exit sign above the door in the shots, the heaters near the ground, and sometimes the legs of the audience on the edge of the frame, by the lights. This movie probably generated the most walkouts (and sleep-in-your-seat) of the festival, which is a shame, because I bet it's stunning to see live. However, there's no reason to film and show the whole hour of the show. A short trailer would have been much, much better. Kudos to Tim for pulling it off, but I never want to see this MOVIE again (a live show, or an audio reading, sure, but the movie? No way).

Shorts Block Three played on Saturday and Sunday. The films were:

Asleep in the Deep (IMDb) - The third version of "Music of Erich Zann", this version modernized the story, making the narrator a punk female, and Zann an African American. The first half of the movie is slow, with the lead looking for a place to bunk, and getting into strange conversations with people in diners. But once she stumbles into the old building, the movie gets creepier. The philosophizing was distracting (I just want story, not ruminations on life), but the cinematography was very very good, so everything was a treat to watch. This was one of the winners of the Brown Jenkin award.

Binding Silence (IMDb) - A great little yarn about obsession. William helps his uncle run a used bookstore, the kind that probably everyone in the audience (and reading this) has frequented. A new shipment of books has one particular tome that really gets to William, so much that he starts neglecting his daily life. And he can't stand being interrupted. The actors were believable, the location perfect (and well shot), the effects were

very simple but very effective (especially the cloud effects), and the best part is that we never see what's inside William's book; it's a perfect McGuffin. The only flaw in the film is an unnecessary denouement, but the film has already worked its wonders. Another winner of the Brown Jenkin short film award.

Dredd Manor (IMDb) - The second piece from Michael Granberry, also a stop motion animation piece, this is more like a Poe tale than Lovecraft.

Adam has to look over the legal and business affairs of the very wealthy and very eccentric Countess Von Dredd. Just getting to see her is a trial in overcoming the supernatural. The movie is the first of a series.

From Beyond (IMDb) - The third Granberry stop motion short, this one was the third Brown Jenkin award winner, and deservedly so. A few of the Lurkers wondered if this was the best adaptation of the story yet made (we didn't say that in front of Barbara Crampton, of course, who was in the audience and gave the award to Granberry). The animation is a little crude, but his story sense and pacing quickly dispel any disparaging thoughts, for he knows exactly what to show, when to show it, and what sounds to play with the image. He maximizes the expressions of his puppets to great effect; here is someone who knows the value of a simple look or

twitch of the eye.

Nightmare (IMDb) - This was only two minutes long, and I don't remember any of it. My note to myself was "bad nightmare - it's Hell!" The Tell-tale Heart (IMDb) - A stop motion animation version of the story, only the narrator (killer) looks just like Edgar Allen POE. The Thing With No Head (IMDb) - A funny 2D cartoon about a kid and his dog (I guess it's a dog) that has no head. Cute and funny in a morbid way, you can probably see this at a Spike & Mike Sick and Twisted Festival.

Shorts Block Four played only once, on Sunday night. The films were: The Cthulhu Chronicles: The Ropes (trailer) (IMDb) - I don't remember this, but I know I saw it. My note either says "fair" or "fan".

Cthulhu Pet (IMDb) - A funny (but a bit too slow and long) spoof of the Chia pet commercial. If this were a real product, we'd all buy it, wouldn't we?

The Other Gods (IMDb) - A black and white animated version of the story, made to look like it was created in the 20's. There's no need to pretend this was made years ago, as the animation isn't close to Max Fleischer, but it is good nonetheless, and was fun to watch. I am beginning to think that the only way to do Lovecraft's dreamlands stories is through animation. Especially really trippy animation. Nia (IMDb) - A thirty-minute film heavily drawing upon the works of Philip K. Dick story. It is very well done, with all the elements you would expect: paranoid conspiracies, more-human-than-human artificial people that rebel against their creators, mega-corporations,

etc. For a low budget indie sci-fi film, it was wonderfully crafted, using just a few locations and sets, but very well made locations and sets. The effects worked wonders when they needed to. The acting was great, especially because the lead actress is hot and walked around naked. The only problems were the intro credits, which singularly listed about 12 or more production companies that worked on it, and the not-really-a-problem problem that I couldn't see much of Lovecraft themes in the film.

But it is a very good film, and you should see it simply because of that fact. But you really have to stretch to catch a whiff of "Lovecraftian horror" in it.

Dunwich (IMDb) - The longest film (30 minutes) yet made by Lurker Christian Matzke (Nyarlathotep, An Imperfect Solution, Experiment 17), who tackles "The Dunwich Horror". This is an interesting prequel to the story, though, as Christian took details and elements hinted at of Wilbur's earlier life, and put them into an original script of the backwoods family. The three Whateley characters are all perfectly dressed and cast; if anyone is thinking of doing a Dunwich movie, get these three. The sets, costumes,

props, and even the period car were great, as was some shots of the town. Production wise, this was top notch. The film bogs, however, in cinematic techniques (shots, editing, sound). Not that it was bad, just that it could have been better. But maybe these are things that only a filmmaker will see; and it might not bother other audiences. Either that, or I just hold Christian to obscenely high standards.

Worth seeing, because there are so few Dunwich tales, and this one isn't typical. Oh, and it has a great scene of what NOT to do with the powder of Ibn-ghazi.

Resurrected (trailer) (IMDb) - Trailer for a low budget version of "Re-Animator". I wrote "OK".

The Telltale Heart (IMDb) - Is there any other POE story (besides "The Raven") that makes it to screen? Anyway, this 2D animated piece was also made in black and white and used a scratchy recording of the story read by Bela Legosi (?!). I still prefer UFA's version narrated by James Mason, but this is a close second.

Unfinished Business (IMDb) - An Australian picture about a young couple moving in to a house where the husband has been before, but only gets flashes of memory about what happened there. He left the house unscathed the first time, but he won't be so lucky this time. A fine tale of haunting, I probably liked it more for the Oz novelty.

My short Call of Tutu (IMDb) also played in block four, but it wasn't listed in the program or website because I turned it in so late. I won't review my own movie, either. I may (or may not) upload it somewhere so you can see it. It's six and a half minutes long, about an old guy sitting on a park bench and talking about his cat…or is it a cat?

Next year looks to be even better, so start saving up now and planning to come out to Portland next October! See you there!

- Aaron Vanek